Learning to Forgive & Let Go

Let’s talk forgiveness. Forgiveness, of yourself and others, is important for your health & well-being. While important, it can be challenging, this post will provide 3 steps to help you begin to release & forgive.

1) Reflect

Take a moment to reflect:

· What happened?

· How did it make you feel?

· What was your reaction?

· How has this impacted you?

2) Empathize & lead with love

Be kind to yourself and others. This is not easy, it takes practice and patience you may in fact have more inner work to do before you are able to empathize with those who have harmed you. This is not about justifying their actions, rather about seeking to understand their actions. If we can see this person as another human doing the best they can with what they know rather than as a monster, it will be easier to empathize and forgive. Remember this does not mean they were right, that you condone it or that you have to maintain a relationship with them. Empathy allows us to lead with love and compassion rather than bitterness, resentment or hatred. Try to imagine the situation from the other person’s perspective, what might they have been thinking or feeling, may they have been feeling threatened or inadequate? etc.

3) Decide to forgive & let go

Forgiving doesn’t mean the other person’s actions weren’t harmful or hurtful and it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve an apology. Remember, you can only control your own actions and you don’t need, and may not receive, an apology from the other person. Even if you offer an apology for your reaction or actions, you may not get one back if they are not ready. When we allow ourselves to forgive, we allow ourselves to release that burden of anger, sadness, bitterness, resentment etc. Not because those that harm you deserve it but because you deserve it. You can speak to the person about this, or you can simply journal, or write them a letter that you can later destroy.

Keep in mind that self-forgiveness is just as important. We tend to avoid uncomfortable feelings like shame, guilt, inadequacy or regret and this is our brain trying to protect us. This may even be something we’ve done, or haven’t done, to ourselves rather than to someone else. It does more harm than good to avoid this and instead we need to confront, forgive and release so we can grow and move on.

Can you benefit from forgiveness? Try writing out a list of people that have hurt you in the past (as many tiny or large things you can think of) and start working through any old feelings you may be holding on to, or burying, and letting them go. See what emotions or resistance comes up, if you would like more guidance reach out via email or on social media.